Tim McLean's mom shares victim impact statement
I would like to thank and honour the court for allowing me this opportunity to attempt to put into words the affects this crime has had on me.
Timothy was a very alive person. Probably the most alive person I've ever known and I've had the privilege of being his mother. He had a very active, adventurous and vibrant life, he literally radiated energy!
The last professional portrait that was taken of him was a month after his 22nd birthday. I always had trouble pinpointing Timothy for appointments especially photos, but there he is smiling that smile with that glint in his eye that always made me wonder what sort of mischief he'd be up to next.
And now that light that was Timothy's life has been snubbed out in the very cruelest, heinous manner possible by you Vince Li, nobody else, just you. I believe you're dangerous and why would I believe otherwise? You've demonstrated that very clearly, no doubt!!
That night in July, when I was informed that the young man who'd suffered that horrible death on the back of a Greyhound bus was MY son, I literally wished I'd just die too. I couldn't imagine surviving when my child didn't. My heart completely shattered and I ached to the core of my soul. I struggle everyday to appreciate my own life enough to want to continue to go on and to honour Timothy's memory by cherishing the memories instead of allowing the all consuming sorrow to just swallow me up, because it could, and then this evil would claim me as well. I cannot let that happen.
Besides taking my beautiful boys life that night, you took my sense of security. I'm often afraid now, in crowds, parking lots, and when I'm alone. I'm suspicious of people because I just don't know what anyone is capable of anymore.
I have great difficulty sleeping, you see I have this vision in my mind of my son's lifeless head with vacant eyes being tossed around the bus, there are many more images that enter my mind as I try to rest, they are all very clear and vivid thanks to the merciless and very graphic descriptions that the media and some witnesses provided. Sleep does not come easy and when it does it is not for very long durations.
Food, another life's basic necessities, no longer provides the same pleasure as it used to. I feel sick to my stomach every time I eat although I know I need to eat to stay strong for the days ahead and for the rest of my family. Even having to use a knife in my own kitchen for meal preparation conjures up horrible pictures in my mind and those thoughts can sometimes be crippling.
I cannot leave my home to drive into the city without seeing at least one Greyhound bus I wonder, "Is that the bus my son was slaughtered on?" Did they ever get all the blood out? I don't want these thoughts... they just come. And since I have to travel the highway to get to the counseling and therapy sessions I require to help me cope... what choice do I have?
Have you ever experienced loss so profound that you are unable to breathe? I have, for 3 days I found it nearly impossible to just breathe. As the descriptions of what all happened to Timothy came out I was so horrified that I couldn't breathe. I finally asked the RCMP to tell me in full what all was done to my son so I wouldn't continue to hear it in bits and pieces. Bits and pieces was all that was left of my boy at the end of your rampage.
I can no longer tell my remaining children to "be careful and to make sure you get home in one piece" we can no longer "laugh our heads off" or our "guts out" these used to be such innocent phrases they now have such ugly meaning for me. My mom used to tell me I'd "forget my head if it wasn't attached" and I can no longer "dead head" my flowers.
Medically speaking there is no medication that can treat the wounds inflicted upon a person's soul. My body still functions as it's meant to with the addition of aches caused by stress headaches caused by stress digestive troubles cause by stress insomnia caused by stress. I take a handful of supplements daily and see a chiropractor regularly to help with these issues because I do not want to be on prescription medications if I can avoid them. They make me feel too forgetful and confused and I would be tempted perhaps to take them all at once and what would that leave my other children with?
In the early days of this nightmare I was given lorazapam to allow me to breathe properly and sleep. My husband was always asking, "Where are your pills Carol?" I just handed him the bottle silently as I knew what his fear was.
Financially, well we've never had a lot of money; always enough to take care of our children and bills. I'm on long term disability now, which is significantly less than my salary was.
I drove a school bus and now I do not have the patience, confidence, and ability to concentrate which is required to safely transport other people's children. (the most precious cargo)
My husband is the person who taught Timothy how to use a hammer and paint brush, how to ride a 2 wheeler and helped him with his homework. The stress of Timothy's vicious murder is taking a huge toll on him and he is currently reducing his workweek to allow him a chance to grieve and to take care of myself and our younger son Kendall.
Our two girls live far away and it's difficult not having them close but we'd worry about them if they lived with us. "UNPROVOKED" That's the word that's forever stuck in my mind. It could've been anyone, anywhere, anytime. It wasn't it was July 30th on a bus on the #1 Hwy less than an hour from home when you tragically ended my son's life. He did nothing to die for but he did not die for nothing! THAT'S A PROMISE!!!!